1
00:00:01,232 --> 00:00:02,502
JIM: Previously on
According to Jim...

2
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:04,074
So you guys want
to be in a commercial?

3
00:00:04,075 --> 00:00:05,675
Yeah!
Please?

4
00:00:05,676 --> 00:00:08,708
Oh, come on, Cheryl, this
is an opportunity of a lifetime.

5
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:11,010
Jim, there's nothing I'd love
more than going on a cruise...

6
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,282
Well, then let's do it.

7
00:00:12,283 --> 00:00:13,413
I'm not an actor.

8
00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:14,544
Don't worry.

9
00:00:14,545 --> 00:00:16,246
I have enough talent
for the both of us.

10
00:00:16,247 --> 00:00:18,017
KITSON:
No, no, no, no, no.

11
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,749
We need to get Cheryl
a better husband.

12
00:00:19,750 --> 00:00:21,020
He's got to go.

13
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,222
Ted, this is my husband Jim,

14
00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:24,694
and, Jim, this is Ted.
He plays my husband.

15
00:00:24,695 --> 00:00:27,026
Oh. Some guys get pretty uptight

16
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,798
standing around watching
their wife kiss a good-look...

17
00:00:28,799 --> 00:00:30,401
Wait a minute.
They're gonna kiss?

18
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,069
Hey, handsome.

19
00:00:39,070 --> 00:00:40,710
Hey.

20
00:00:40,711 --> 00:00:42,712
Well, Cheryl, I've done it.

21
00:00:42,713 --> 00:00:44,174
What?

22
00:00:44,175 --> 00:00:46,446
I've officially spit in
all five of the Great Lakes

23
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:47,577
and two oceans.

24
00:00:47,578 --> 00:00:49,079
Oh, yeah.

25
00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:51,821
Make a great story
at the dinner table.

26
00:00:51,822 --> 00:00:54,124
You know, really, don't
tell that story at dinner.

27
00:00:54,125 --> 00:00:55,625
Okay.

28
00:00:55,626 --> 00:00:57,357
You drop the kids off
at the Oceaneers Club?

29
00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:58,828
Yeah, they didn't
even say goodbye.

30
00:00:58,829 --> 00:01:00,690
Hang up a sign that says
"No parents allowed,"

31
00:01:00,691 --> 00:01:02,762
and suddenly day camp
becomes Vegas for kids.

32
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:03,764
(CHUCKLES)

33
00:01:04,835 --> 00:01:06,136
You know, I missed you.

34
00:01:06,137 --> 00:01:07,397
Oh, yeah?
I did.

35
00:01:07,398 --> 00:01:08,668
Look at that.

36
00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,740
Two kisses in one day.

37
00:01:10,741 --> 00:01:12,802
Boy, you sure are giving
them out freely, aren't you?

38
00:01:12,803 --> 00:01:14,204
Oh, okay.

39
00:01:14,205 --> 00:01:16,746
Ted, me. You know,
I can get Goofy down here

40
00:01:16,747 --> 00:01:18,348
if you're really
feeling generous.

41
00:01:18,349 --> 00:01:19,609
I knew it.

42
00:01:19,610 --> 00:01:21,151
You're upset about
me kissing Ted.

43
00:01:21,152 --> 00:01:23,213
I told you, I'm fine with it.

44
00:01:23,214 --> 00:01:25,855
I'm fine. I'm as
fine as a fine wine,

45
00:01:25,856 --> 00:01:28,488
which, by the way,
tonight, easy on the wine.

46
00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:30,460
Oh, come on.
I'm telling you.

47
00:01:30,461 --> 00:01:32,091
Oh, I'm sorry to
interrupt, Yeah.

48
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,823
But we saw you shooting
the commercial today,

49
00:01:33,824 --> 00:01:36,226
and you and your husband
make a great couple.

50
00:01:36,227 --> 00:01:37,767
Well, thank you,

51
00:01:37,768 --> 00:01:39,499
but, actually, that
wasn't my husband.

52
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:40,600
This is my husband.

53
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:43,102
Right here.
Oh. (LAUGHING)

54
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,735
And she's funny, too.

55
00:01:46,137 --> 00:01:47,438
Good night.
Good night.

56
00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:50,611
Still fine.

57
00:01:59,890 --> 00:02:01,292
JIM: Oh, baby!

58
00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:11,332
Oh, hey!

59
00:02:13,164 --> 00:02:14,464
Cheryl, what is Ted doing here?

60
00:02:14,465 --> 00:02:16,336
I don't know, but be nice.

61
00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:17,507
I am nice.

62
00:02:17,508 --> 00:02:19,209
Okay, maybe I didn't
make myself clear.

63
00:02:19,210 --> 00:02:21,141
Don't be
an ass. Hi!

64
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,543
Hello, everybody.

65
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,246
Look at you.
Lovely.

66
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:29,179
Well, hi.

67
00:02:29,180 --> 00:02:30,480
Hi.

68
00:02:30,481 --> 00:02:32,352
Ted's here.

69
00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:33,854
Huh?

70
00:02:35,326 --> 00:02:36,456
(LAUGHING)

71
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:37,787
Isn't that great?

72
00:02:37,788 --> 00:02:39,628
That's great, Dana,
isn't it? Yeah, it's great.

73
00:02:40,331 --> 00:02:41,761
So, Jim, did you get a chance

74
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:44,394
to take in the sights
while I was working

75
00:02:44,395 --> 00:02:45,896
with our wife?
(CHUCKLES)

76
00:02:47,398 --> 00:02:49,239
Yes, I did, actually.

77
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,941
I went to the southernmost
point of the United States,

78
00:02:51,942 --> 00:02:54,704
and I mooned Castro.

79
00:02:54,705 --> 00:02:56,907
Well, I guess the
ball's in his court now.

80
00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,909
(LAUGHING)

81
00:02:59,910 --> 00:03:01,951
Wow. No chair for
the Andyman, huh?

82
00:03:01,952 --> 00:03:04,785
ALL: Oh! No, no, no, no,
no. We can work this out.

83
00:03:06,557 --> 00:03:07,558
Oh!
Ah!

84
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,222
Andy, be careful.

85
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:20,501
Cozy.

86
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,304
So, Ted, how did you
get into the acting game?

87
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:27,437
Well, I was a camp counselor
for special-needs kids,

88
00:03:27,438 --> 00:03:29,739
and we did A
Midsummer Night's Dream.

89
00:03:29,740 --> 00:03:31,210
I caught the bug.

90
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,843
Ah, that must have
been so rewarding.

91
00:03:33,844 --> 00:03:34,985
I went to camp.

92
00:03:36,587 --> 00:03:39,349
Yeah, and there was this
big swimming hole, right?

93
00:03:39,350 --> 00:03:40,520
And I would do cannonballs

94
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:43,254
that would bring birds
out of the sky.

95
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,726
Well, we didn't
have a swimming hole.

96
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,858
Most of the kids were
confined to wheelchairs.

97
00:03:48,859 --> 00:03:50,460
(LAUGHS)

98
00:03:50,461 --> 00:03:51,802
Oh, boy, you missed out.

99
00:03:54,465 --> 00:03:55,765
Hi. What will we be
drinking this evening?

100
00:03:55,766 --> 00:03:56,936
JIM: Hmm...
Oh, Jim,

101
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,968
how about a nice bottle
of chardonnay, huh?

102
00:03:58,969 --> 00:04:00,289
I'll take a look
at the wine list.

103
00:04:01,312 --> 00:04:03,373
I once played
a snotty wine steward

104
00:04:03,374 --> 00:04:04,714
in an Olsen twins movie.

105
00:04:04,715 --> 00:04:06,776
I saw that.
You were snotty.

106
00:04:06,777 --> 00:04:07,918
Thank you very much.

107
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:11,452
Do you mind?

108
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,686
Andy, good work out there today.

109
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:17,887
Hmm.

110
00:04:17,888 --> 00:04:20,030
You'll find that I'm good
at a lot of things.

111
00:04:23,494 --> 00:04:25,264
What do you say, later

112
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,037
we go test the stabilizers
out on this ship?

113
00:04:28,699 --> 00:04:30,371
Andy, I'm gay.

114
00:04:31,642 --> 00:04:32,702
Oh.

115
00:04:32,703 --> 00:04:34,644
I didn't know.

116
00:04:34,645 --> 00:04:36,347
It just happened.

117
00:04:40,050 --> 00:04:43,653
Dana... What's
with this Ted guy?

118
00:04:43,654 --> 00:04:45,014
Huh?

119
00:04:45,015 --> 00:04:46,986
You've been working all
day, I haven't seen Cheryl,

120
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,458
and now I got to
share her with Ted?

121
00:04:48,459 --> 00:04:51,060
I'm sorry.
My boss insisted.

122
00:04:51,061 --> 00:04:52,822
I couldn't do anything about it.

123
00:04:52,823 --> 00:04:54,894
Look, why don't you come
by the set tomorrow, hang out?

124
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,666
You got a part for me?

125
00:04:56,667 --> 00:04:58,498
(SCOFFS) No.

126
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,430
Just this bartender
thing that...

127
00:05:00,431 --> 00:05:01,831
I can play a bartender.

128
00:05:01,832 --> 00:05:02,932
I can play a bartender.
No.

129
00:05:02,933 --> 00:05:04,934
Come on, Dana.

130
00:05:04,935 --> 00:05:06,936
If it wasn't for me, Cheryl
wouldn't be here right now.

131
00:05:06,937 --> 00:05:08,408
You owe me.

132
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:09,779
Let me play the bartender.
Let me play the bartender.

133
00:05:09,780 --> 00:05:11,811
Let me play the bartender.
All right!

134
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:14,545
I'll see what I can do, but
you better not embarrass me.

135
00:05:15,686 --> 00:05:17,947
That really hurts my feelings.

136
00:05:17,948 --> 00:05:19,549
Since when do I
embarrass people?

137
00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:21,452
I haven't embarrassed anybody.

138
00:05:22,693 --> 00:05:24,093
Hey, bread guy, bread guy.

139
00:05:24,094 --> 00:05:25,814
Yeah, yeah, just throw
me a roll, would you?

140
00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:27,528
Ow!

141
00:05:33,664 --> 00:05:35,435
Hey, Cheryl.
How's it going?

142
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:36,806
Hey. Oh, fine.

143
00:05:36,807 --> 00:05:38,107
I'm just having a little
trouble waking up.

144
00:05:38,108 --> 00:05:40,471
It's taken care of.
Boy! Oh, boy!

145
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:46,345
Thank you, Dana.

146
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,847
As I was getting the director
new underwear, I thought,

147
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,751
"How could this job possibly
get more demeaning?"

148
00:05:51,982 --> 00:05:53,553
Get Cheryl a coffee
with skim milk.

149
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:54,924
No, no, he doesn't have to...

150
00:05:54,925 --> 00:05:57,086
Actually, I'll have one, too.

151
00:05:57,087 --> 00:05:59,028
Dana, no...
Oh, and some croissants.

152
00:05:59,029 --> 00:06:00,790
Ooh, ooh, chocolate for me.

153
00:06:00,791 --> 00:06:02,092
Me, too.
Me, too.

154
00:06:04,395 --> 00:06:05,536
Yeah, will you warm them up?

155
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,968
I like this.

156
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,470
It's like having our
own little helper monkey.

157
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:11,872
Yeah, he's my bitch.
Oh.

158
00:06:17,107 --> 00:06:18,879
Hello, my fellow thespians.

159
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:21,641
I said that without giggling.

160
00:06:22,753 --> 00:06:24,153
You're the bartender?

161
00:06:24,154 --> 00:06:26,016
No. I'm Esteban.

162
00:06:27,017 --> 00:06:28,518
From Albania.

163
00:06:28,519 --> 00:06:29,720
Oh.

164
00:06:31,161 --> 00:06:32,392
Is that a mustache?

165
00:06:33,063 --> 00:06:34,824
You like it?

166
00:06:34,825 --> 00:06:36,165
I did it myself.
I don't know why.

167
00:06:36,166 --> 00:06:37,898
I just thought Esteban
would have one. Look.

168
00:06:41,432 --> 00:06:43,773
Okay. Bartender
pours two drinks,

169
00:06:43,774 --> 00:06:45,876
happy couple
smiles and toasts. Okay?

170
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:48,778
Is that a mustache?

171
00:06:48,779 --> 00:06:50,780
Yes. I made it myself.

172
00:06:50,781 --> 00:06:52,061
I thought Esteban
would have one.

173
00:06:53,744 --> 00:06:54,815
Good.

174
00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,889
I play harmonica.

175
00:06:59,890 --> 00:07:01,992
Uh, is there any way we
can work that in? Harmonica?

176
00:07:03,193 --> 00:07:04,755
And action.

177
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:21,672
(BOTTLE SHATTERS)

178
00:07:25,876 --> 00:07:27,918
(PLAYING BLUES RIFF)

179
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:29,980
Cut!

180
00:07:31,582 --> 00:07:32,983
DIRECTOR:
And action.

181
00:07:44,495 --> 00:07:45,965
Cut.

182
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,498
DIRECTOR:
And action.

183
00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:55,646
Cut.

184
00:07:58,248 --> 00:07:59,879
What was that?

185
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,982
Well, I thought Esteban
would do something like that.

186
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,114
I like what you're doing...

187
00:08:05,115 --> 00:08:06,586
Thank you.

188
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:10,119
But can you bring
it down a little?

189
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:11,861
Sure, sure.
How much?

190
00:08:11,862 --> 00:08:14,094
To just handing them the drinks.

191
00:08:16,967 --> 00:08:18,528
I'm sorry.

192
00:08:18,529 --> 00:08:19,900
I thought you
wanted it to be good.

193
00:08:23,634 --> 00:08:25,776
All right.
And action!

194
00:08:36,286 --> 00:08:38,188
(PLAYING BLUES RIFF)

195
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,125
Cut!

196
00:08:51,762 --> 00:08:53,564
(INAUDIBLE)

197
00:08:54,965 --> 00:08:56,667
Jim.
What?

198
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,108
What is going on with you?

199
00:08:59,109 --> 00:09:00,770
Ah, this scene
needs a little juice,

200
00:09:00,771 --> 00:09:03,072
and I'm freshly squeezed.

201
00:09:03,073 --> 00:09:04,814
What does that even mean?

202
00:09:04,815 --> 00:09:06,115
It's showbiz talk, Cheryl.

203
00:09:06,116 --> 00:09:08,017
Ted, tell her.

204
00:09:08,018 --> 00:09:09,820
That's a new one to me, Esteban.

205
00:09:13,023 --> 00:09:15,154
Jim, Jim, can I talk
to you for a sec?

206
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,285
I'm working here.

207
00:09:16,286 --> 00:09:18,257
No, no, there's a problem
with your wardrobe.

208
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:19,929
Really?
What's the matter?

209
00:09:19,930 --> 00:09:21,932
You're in it, and
they want it back.

210
00:09:24,334 --> 00:09:26,195
You're firing me?
Good guess.

211
00:09:26,196 --> 00:09:28,197
Dana. Dana.
Where's Dana? Dana!

212
00:09:28,198 --> 00:09:29,568
No, no, no, no.
No, no. No.

213
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,900
Dana wanted me to handle it.

214
00:09:30,901 --> 00:09:32,041
Besides, she already
got to fire you.

215
00:09:32,042 --> 00:09:33,973
I wanted my shot, so let's go.

216
00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:36,145
Go where? I'm not going
anywhere with you. No.

217
00:09:36,146 --> 00:09:38,077
Make me.

218
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,079
(MUFFLED SHOUTING)

219
00:09:40,110 --> 00:09:41,812
Okay, okay, okay.
I'm going.

220
00:09:53,163 --> 00:09:54,664
BOTH: Daddy!

221
00:09:54,665 --> 00:09:57,767
Oh, there's my little doves.

222
00:09:57,768 --> 00:09:59,268
How are you?
What did you do today?

223
00:09:59,269 --> 00:10:00,970
We got to talk to the captain,

224
00:10:00,971 --> 00:10:03,973
and TV Dad showed us
a magic trick.

225
00:10:03,974 --> 00:10:06,636
Who?
Ted. I like him.

226
00:10:06,637 --> 00:10:08,808
You mean you love him.

227
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:11,180
He's your boyfriend.

228
00:10:11,181 --> 00:10:13,883
Stop it! Okay, okay, okay, okay.

229
00:10:13,884 --> 00:10:15,845
Listen.
Now, your real Dad,

230
00:10:15,846 --> 00:10:18,888
who gave you life
and quite a few toys,

231
00:10:18,889 --> 00:10:20,651
missed you very much...
BOTH: Ice cream!

232
00:10:22,152 --> 00:10:23,322
Hey!

233
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:24,894
Well, hello, movie star.

234
00:10:24,895 --> 00:10:26,025
Hello.

235
00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:27,797
Like to have a drink
with your husband?

236
00:10:27,798 --> 00:10:30,960
You know, I would. Have
you seen him, Esteban?

237
00:10:30,961 --> 00:10:32,932
Hey, hey, look who we have here.

238
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,064
Hey! It's my wife
and her husband.

239
00:10:35,065 --> 00:10:36,305
(CHUCKLING AWKWARDLY)

240
00:10:36,306 --> 00:10:38,768
(LAUGHING) That's
a good one, Ted.

241
00:10:38,769 --> 00:10:40,269
You're everything.
You're, like, an actor,

242
00:10:40,270 --> 00:10:42,011
comedian, magician.

243
00:10:42,012 --> 00:10:44,274
You're a jackass
of all trades, huh?

244
00:10:45,916 --> 00:10:47,877
Hola, amigos!

245
00:10:47,878 --> 00:10:50,349
Tomorrow we are at the port
of Cozumel, Mexico,

246
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:51,951
so let's get ready

247
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:54,825
for the Mexicali-
fragilisticexpialidocious party!

248
00:10:56,957 --> 00:11:00,360
Okay, kids, I need you to
bring your dads up on stage.

249
00:11:03,934 --> 00:11:05,935
Hey, Gracie. Do you
want to go up with me?

250
00:11:05,936 --> 00:11:07,738
You want me to...
Okay. Come on.

251
00:11:14,705 --> 00:11:16,946
TED: Okay, you
ready for this? Okay.

252
00:11:16,947 --> 00:11:19,709
Okay, now this is
just for the dads.

253
00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:22,381
We're gonna play
the Mexican hat game.

254
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:24,353
Okay, bye-bye.

255
00:11:24,354 --> 00:11:26,255
Okay, now what
I'd like is for you

256
00:11:26,256 --> 00:11:28,988
to form a circle for me, please.

257
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:31,160
Okay, and here's
how it's gonna work.

258
00:11:31,161 --> 00:11:34,764
When I say "one," take the
hat from your right and put it on.

259
00:11:34,765 --> 00:11:37,967
When I say "two," take the
hat to your left and put it on.

260
00:11:37,968 --> 00:11:39,298
And when the music stops,

261
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,972
if you don't have a hat,
you're out. Vamonos.

262
00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:43,983
(MEXICAN HAT DANCE PLAYING)

263
00:11:45,235 --> 00:11:46,976
HOST: Okay, here we go.

264
00:11:46,977 --> 00:11:49,308
Two to the left.

265
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,011
Two to the left.

266
00:11:51,742 --> 00:11:53,743
Two to the left.

267
00:11:53,744 --> 00:11:55,284
One to the right.

268
00:11:55,285 --> 00:11:57,316
And stop!
Who doesn't have a hat?

269
00:11:57,317 --> 00:12:00,019
(SCREAMS) Oh, my God!

270
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,221
Oh!
Are you okay?

271
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,893
I think it's broken!

272
00:12:03,894 --> 00:12:04,895
I got the hat, Cheryl!

273
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:08,327
Cheryl, I got the hat!

274
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,768
Okay, come on, circle up, circle
up, circle up! (TED GROANING)

275
00:12:13,503 --> 00:12:17,736
Hey, girls, it says here they're
making Flubber in the Oceaneers Club.

276
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,139
Nah, we like the ladder.

277
00:12:21,211 --> 00:12:23,913
Hey, Goofy's doing
calisthenics poolside.

278
00:12:23,914 --> 00:12:24,975
Nope. Ladder.

279
00:12:26,817 --> 00:12:28,778
Maybe I should build you
a ladder when we get home.

280
00:12:28,779 --> 00:12:29,780
Uh-uh.
We like this one.

281
00:12:33,223 --> 00:12:35,454
Hey.
Hey.

282
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:37,356
Listen, girls, Daddy
and I need to talk.

283
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:39,188
Would you mind
closing the curtain?

284
00:12:39,189 --> 00:12:40,459
There's a curtain?

285
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:41,962
BOTH: Yay!

286
00:12:45,135 --> 00:12:48,297
Cheryl, if you're
gonna seduce me,

287
00:12:48,298 --> 00:12:49,499
the girls are right there.

288
00:12:50,941 --> 00:12:53,002
But we'll keep it really quiet.

289
00:12:53,003 --> 00:12:54,543
What is with you?

290
00:12:54,544 --> 00:12:56,105
What?
What?

291
00:12:56,106 --> 00:12:57,506
You said you were
okay with this Ted thing,

292
00:12:57,507 --> 00:12:59,108
and next thing I know,
you're punching him out!

293
00:12:59,109 --> 00:13:02,082
I didn't punch him out!
He ran into my elbow!

294
00:13:03,113 --> 00:13:04,453
For God's sake!

295
00:13:04,454 --> 00:13:06,315
What? GRACIE:
Are you guys fighting?

296
00:13:06,316 --> 00:13:07,416
No, honey.

297
00:13:07,417 --> 00:13:08,988
Now you're confusing me,

298
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:11,220
'cause I thought
we were fighting!

299
00:13:11,221 --> 00:13:13,262
Jim, I'm gonna kill you! What?

300
00:13:13,263 --> 00:13:15,124
And then I'm gonna get off
this ship, go to Haiti,

301
00:13:15,125 --> 00:13:18,367
learn voodoo, raise you from
the dead, and kill you again!

302
00:13:18,368 --> 00:13:22,271
What, did I call room
service and order a reaming?

303
00:13:22,272 --> 00:13:24,003
GRACIE: Are you fighting
with Aunt Dana now?

304
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,074
No!

305
00:13:25,075 --> 00:13:26,205
RUBY:
Mommy, you're yelling!

306
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:28,377
Stay out of it, Gracie!

307
00:13:28,378 --> 00:13:30,940
I'm Ruby! Oh,
everybody stay out of it!

308
00:13:30,941 --> 00:13:32,381
All right, all right!

309
00:13:32,382 --> 00:13:33,583
(SIGHS)

310
00:13:34,444 --> 00:13:35,584
How's Ted?

311
00:13:35,585 --> 00:13:37,847
"How's Ted? How's Ted?
How's poor Ted?"

312
00:13:37,848 --> 00:13:39,249
What about me?
Jim!

313
00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,152
How's poor Ted?

314
00:13:43,153 --> 00:13:45,824
Well, thank God
his nose is not broken,

315
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,596
and I think we can cover up
the bruise with makeup,

316
00:13:47,597 --> 00:13:49,128
but my boss is not happy.

317
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,499
Yeah, well, to be fair,

318
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:52,401
I don't think she was a
happy person to begin with.

319
00:13:52,402 --> 00:13:53,433
Come on, girls.

320
00:13:55,365 --> 00:13:58,007
We need you on camera
in a half an hour. Okay.

321
00:13:58,008 --> 00:14:00,039
And, Jim, I may
not make it to Haiti,

322
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,440
but I have the rest of my life

323
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,312
to make you pay for this week,

324
00:14:03,313 --> 00:14:05,273
and I'm gonna start by
giving you this dirty look.

325
00:14:08,178 --> 00:14:10,519
That's right.
Get used to it.

326
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,621
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Oh, I'm scared!

327
00:14:12,622 --> 00:14:14,554
I'm really scared!
Ooh, ooh, ooh, I'm scared!

328
00:14:16,126 --> 00:14:17,927
Wait! What are
you doing?

329
00:14:17,928 --> 00:14:20,589
You heard her. I have to
be on camera in half an hour.

330
00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:22,091
You're gonna actually do this?

331
00:14:22,092 --> 00:14:23,632
You're gonna actually
kiss this creep?

332
00:14:23,633 --> 00:14:26,465
Yes, Jim, I am.
Because I have to.

333
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:28,497
No, you...

334
00:14:28,498 --> 00:14:30,239
Because we're here on this
free cruise that you talked me into!

335
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:33,002
And then they fired you
and I wanted to leave,

336
00:14:33,003 --> 00:14:35,174
but you said, "No,
no, stay!" so I did.

337
00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:36,645
And then they brought in
this husband.

338
00:14:36,646 --> 00:14:39,178
I thought, you know what?
That's gonna be kind of weird.

339
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:41,450
But you said, "No, no,
honey, I'm fine with it. Stay."

340
00:14:41,451 --> 00:14:43,082
So I did.

341
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:45,985
Jim, I have done everything
you've asked me to do,

342
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,556
(YELLING)
and now you're mad at me!

343
00:14:47,557 --> 00:14:48,919
Yes, I am.

344
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,261
Call me old-fashioned,

345
00:14:52,262 --> 00:14:55,995
but I just don't want my
wife kissing some other guy,

346
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:58,097
especially when there's
an exchange of monies.

347
00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,129
(SCOFFS)

348
00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:02,131
You are being
completely unreasonable.

349
00:15:02,132 --> 00:15:03,203
Yes!

350
00:15:04,174 --> 00:15:06,475
That's me.

351
00:15:06,476 --> 00:15:09,208
I don't know why
you're so surprised.

352
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:10,380
You know who you married.

353
00:15:11,681 --> 00:15:13,543
Yeah, and so do you.

354
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:16,015
What do you mean...
Hey, Cheryl,

355
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:17,116
ready for some make-out?

356
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,949
I mean, makeup?
Sorry, Jim.

357
00:15:26,456 --> 00:15:27,657
Cheryl...

358
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,501
Honey, this is just killing me.

359
00:15:32,702 --> 00:15:36,465
Jim, just maybe, this one time,

360
00:15:36,466 --> 00:15:38,238
it's not about you.

361
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,343
It's not...

362
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:46,416
About...

363
00:15:47,517 --> 00:15:50,019
Me?

364
00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:51,680
KITSON: (ON RADIO) Andy,
one of the extra kids threw up.

365
00:15:51,681 --> 00:15:53,483
Can you get up here with a mop?

366
00:15:54,684 --> 00:15:56,726
Well, it sure as hell
isn't about me!

367
00:16:07,437 --> 00:16:09,638
DIRECTOR: Okay, now,
we're looking at each other.

368
00:16:09,639 --> 00:16:10,969
This is the big moment.

369
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,371
We've had
the best vacation ever.

370
00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,743
We're holding hands.
We're in love.

371
00:16:14,744 --> 00:16:17,447
Remember, we're on
Disney's magical island...

372
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,348
Cheryl!

373
00:16:19,349 --> 00:16:20,979
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where
do you think you're going?

374
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:21,681
I gotta talk to Cheryl for a
minute, Andy. Let me go.

375
00:16:21,682 --> 00:16:23,482
No. Sorry, Jim.
No can do.

376
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,054
Fine.

377
00:16:25,055 --> 00:16:26,285
But if you're gonna make
me sit out here in the sun,

378
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:27,516
at least give me some sunscreen.

379
00:16:27,517 --> 00:16:29,018
Here.
And then go.

380
00:16:29,019 --> 00:16:30,189
All right, all right, fine.

381
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,621
(EXCLAIMING)

382
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:34,393
Excuse me.
Excuse me.

383
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,565
Cheryl! Cheryl!

384
00:16:36,566 --> 00:16:37,996
Cheryl, I do know who I married.

385
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,677
I want you to kiss him
if you have to. I...

386
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:43,502
DIRECTOR: Cut!

387
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,034
I don't believe this.

388
00:16:45,035 --> 00:16:47,136
Jim, all next week,
I'm coming to your work,

389
00:16:47,137 --> 00:16:48,477
and I'm ruining things!

390
00:16:48,478 --> 00:16:50,779
What are you doing here?
Where is Cheryl?

391
00:16:50,780 --> 00:16:52,612
She didn't want to do
the kiss scene.

392
00:16:53,283 --> 00:16:54,583
Really?

393
00:16:54,584 --> 00:16:57,286
She played the sister
card. What could I do?

394
00:16:57,287 --> 00:16:59,418
I was a good guy,
and I got my own way.

395
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:00,689
Yes!

396
00:17:00,690 --> 00:17:02,391
Where is she? Where
is my lovely wife?

397
00:17:02,392 --> 00:17:03,752
Probably looking for you.

398
00:17:03,753 --> 00:17:05,554
Oh, so she didn't want
to do the kiss, huh?

399
00:17:05,555 --> 00:17:07,496
Uh-huh! Take that, pretty boy!

400
00:17:07,497 --> 00:17:09,159
Jim, could you just leave?

401
00:17:09,659 --> 00:17:11,560
Yeah. Um...

402
00:17:11,561 --> 00:17:13,662
Do I still have to... No,
the cruise is still free.

403
00:17:13,663 --> 00:17:15,765
Yes! This really
is a magical island.

404
00:17:19,169 --> 00:17:21,641
Okay, and action.

405
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,174
And we're leaning in
for the kiss.

406
00:17:25,175 --> 00:17:27,646
And romance, romance, romance.

407
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:29,648
And...

408
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,080
Cut!

409
00:17:31,081 --> 00:17:32,721
That's a wrap!

410
00:17:32,722 --> 00:17:35,054
(CROWD CHEERING)

411
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,291
Okay, was it me,
or was that kiss...

412
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,163
Special?

413
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:45,464
Dana, I'm a professional.

414
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:47,266
When I'm on the job,
my main focus is...

415
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,239
Drinks later?
Oh, God, yes.

416
00:17:51,501 --> 00:17:53,742
Nice job.
Drinks later?

417
00:17:53,743 --> 00:17:55,305
Oh, God, yes!

418
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,347
Hey, great work today.

419
00:17:58,348 --> 00:17:59,648
Thank you.

420
00:17:59,649 --> 00:18:01,110
So, uh, drinks later?

421
00:18:01,111 --> 00:18:02,512
Oh, God, yes!

422
00:18:06,116 --> 00:18:08,457
Hey, Sis. Thanks
for the free trip.

423
00:18:08,458 --> 00:18:10,119
Hey, thanks for
taking my crap all week.

424
00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:12,121
No, no problem.

425
00:18:12,122 --> 00:18:15,225
By the way, I've been spitting
in your coffee the entire cruise.

426
00:18:16,526 --> 00:18:17,796
Please.
I knew you'd do that,

427
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,799
so I've been switching it
with your coffee.

428
00:18:21,231 --> 00:18:22,731
Damn it!

429
00:18:22,732 --> 00:18:25,304
I drank my own spit.

430
00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:27,637
(SCREAMING)
I drank my own spit!

431
00:18:42,552 --> 00:18:43,823
Hey.
Hey.

432
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:46,396
Pretty.
Yeah.

433
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:51,901
You know, I went to the shoot,

434
00:18:53,403 --> 00:18:55,734
trying to find you
and tell you that, uh,

435
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:59,208
that it's okay
that you kiss Ted.

436
00:18:59,209 --> 00:19:01,410
And I really meant it this time.

437
00:19:01,411 --> 00:19:03,142
I wasn't gonna lie or anything.

438
00:19:04,274 --> 00:19:06,775
But, uh, you weren't there.

439
00:19:06,776 --> 00:19:08,677
You didn't do it.

440
00:19:08,678 --> 00:19:09,779
Why?
No.

441
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:15,555
Call me old-fashioned. I only want
to kiss my unreasonable husband.

442
00:19:16,926 --> 00:19:18,287
Okay.

443
00:19:18,288 --> 00:19:20,429
New rule.
Only one husband.

444
00:19:20,430 --> 00:19:22,461
Yeah, fine, but you know,
Jim, you didn't have to hit Ted.

445
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:24,463
Oh, it was an accident, honey.

446
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:26,435
I'm very competitive. I wanted
that hat. I didn't want to get

447
00:19:26,436 --> 00:19:28,166
kicked out in front of the
kids. Okay, you know what?

448
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,438
It's our last night on the ship.

449
00:19:29,439 --> 00:19:31,500
Do we really want
to get into this now?

450
00:19:31,501 --> 00:19:35,845
All right, you're right. Let's save it
for the plane. I didn't bring a book.

451
00:19:37,207 --> 00:19:39,278
Oh, honey.

452
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:42,651
You know, I do know
who I married.

453
00:19:42,652 --> 00:19:43,782
Yeah?

454
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:45,415
And I love you.

455
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:49,459
Me, too.

456
00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:52,322
And... Kiss.

457
00:20:06,336 --> 00:20:08,378
Look, it's the first star.
Make a wish.

458
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:10,739
Where? I don't see it.

459
00:20:10,740 --> 00:20:12,700
Would you just go with me
on this and make a wish?

460
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:18,848
(LAUGHING)

461
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,891
What did you wish for?

462
00:20:22,892 --> 00:20:24,953
I wished that we would
be together forever,

463
00:20:24,954 --> 00:20:26,955
and we would always
be this happy.

464
00:20:26,956 --> 00:20:28,797
How about you?

465
00:20:28,798 --> 00:20:30,499
Oh, come on, Cheryl. You
know what I always wish for.

466
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:31,731
(CHUCKLES)